WE ARE? UNDEAD!

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★✮₊⊹₊⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆₊ ⊹✮

i am writing to you, my dear friend
my friend that i care so deeply for
my friend that i'd do anything for
my friend that i am so devoted to

my friend, i was so sure it was you
the one for me
my soul, my heart, my passion
for you

obsessed and eager to hear from you
to be with you
for our souls to be in perfect sync

just happy to be your friend
to be your companion
to be anything more than just a freak

and i miss the times we spent together
although i hope they are not over yet
i know you will move on
busy with your life,
like i am busy with mine

and our souls will drift apart,
as all things do
because minutes turn to hours
turn to days turn to months
turn to years

i can't stomach losing you again
but what can i do
when i am so scared to press
scared to make a bad impression,
scared to make a move

i miss you so damn much
and i hope you're okay

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★✮₊⊹₊⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆₊ ⊹✮

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★✮₊⊹₊⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆₊ ⊹✮

how can i?

when my world feels like its crumbling on top of me?
when everything makes me feel like a fool?
when i add no value to the world?

when all i want to hear is someone- anyone-
say it's not my fault?

i am living- no, not living
i am going through the motions
in a timeless limbo
in a purgatory

and i'm untouchable
you can't speak to me,
you can't see me,
you can't hear me

and i'm not from this world
not in this world
not anymore

and i can't breathe
and i can't swim
and i went away

i think you'd be okay with that

s5e18

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★✮₊⊹₊⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆₊ ⊹✮

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★✮₊⊹₊⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆₊ ⊹✮

I crave your touch, your desire.
And I want to be the object of your affection.
The only one.

I want you to make the first move.
To spoil me with kisses.
To pay attention when I talk.
To surprise me with a ring.

And you've heard this all before.

I want to have that innocent romance.
And I want to have those passionate nights.

And I want you to be the one.
And you'll do what I say.
But only what I say.

I can't be your savior.
I can't be your crutch.
I can't push down who I am.

I've tried to be who you want me to.
But it hurts too much to watch you love someone I'm not.
I can't hold the crushing weight.

I just want that tender love.
I want you to treat me like I'm yours.
To show me you love me.

I can see right through you.
I can tell that you look for him in me.

That you hate who I've become.
You've lost interest.
And you're in love with a projection.

I can tell how much I exhaust you.
How much you have to pretend.
You don't want me- not the me that I am.
It crushes me to know you've settled.

Everything you do is to satisfy your own guilt.
Your guilt of mourning our love.
Because you've given up long ago.
Before you even realized it.
You are holding onto the scraps of something you are bored of.

I can feel it,
I can hear it,
I can see it.
Anyone could.

We both know
I could never be the one for you.
I never was,
and I never will be.

Maybe I'm mourning us, too.

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★✮₊⊹₊⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆₊ ⊹✮

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★✮₊⊹₊⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆₊ ⊹✮

there's a lump in my throat
and my heart is engulfed in flame

i can't feel clear
just the overwhelming jealousy
and sorrow, abandonment

whats the point
of trying to make you see
when i know your eyes
are not on me

so ive set myself free
im out of the cage
and ill do things for myself now

what did you even invite me here for?
id rather be alone anyway

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★✮₊⊹₊⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆₊ ⊹✮

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★✮₊⊹₊⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆₊ ⊹✮

when you looked into their eyes—
their lifeless, pleading eyes—
did you ever stop and think
that decades later,
it would be exactly the same?

because those kids,
who died so long ago,
they could only endure,
hope and pray that one day,
it would all be okay

and they live inside me,
reminding me of everything
that you've taken

like stepping on a helpless insect,
like sweeping glass under the carpet,
you took away my life,
but i finally have it back

i could never love you
the same way i used to
before i realized
you never loved me

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★✮₊⊹₊⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆₊ ⊹✮

this is from about a month ago? i found it in my notes

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★✮₊⊹₊⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆₊ ⊹✮

im not enough
and im not what you want
but god knows how much i want you
i dream of you
i live for you
i want to devour you

and my heart is crushed
broken beyond repair
because all i want
is your praise

your hands in my hair
your scent in my lungs
your whispers in my ears

tell me you love me
tell me you need me
tell me you cant live without me

even if its just for right now
even if it doesnt last
even if its a lie

☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★✮₊⊹₊⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆₊ ⊹✮